Recent bouts of racism in my life, including the 14U baseball team I coach being routinely jobbed out and McDonald's getting rid of the $1 large fry deal in my app, have left me uninspired to create thread content. In addition, I've been very busy being a "site owner." People don't appreciate the endless seconds I spend maintaining this site all year. However, in light of the Pride Thread being extremely geh, here is a new thread.
Here's the topic: Why butts are better than boobs.
1. According to evolutionary psychologists, male attraction to the female dumper is primal. The curvature of the female ass —specifically the lumbar curvature (that lower back arch)—signals reproductive fitness. A well-proportioned butt suggests a woman can bear children without breaking her spine. In short: a round, balanced turd-cutter means better baby-hauling potential.
2. Boobs are neomorphic features. In evolutionary terms, that means they’re uniquely human and developed not just for function (feeding babies), but also for signaling sexual maturity and fertility. BUT, tiddies are also hormonally sensitive and can fluctuate wildly with age, health, and what someone ate for lunch. Butts, by contrast, are more stable indicators of long-term fat distribution and muscular strength, two traits historically tied to survival and reproductive fitness.
3. Breasts just kind of show up, do what they want, and leave when gravity calls. The butt, however, can be trained. You can sculpt it. Glute gains are real. Entire industries have been built around building better butts—from yoga pants to boutique fitness studios with names like “Sculpt & Peach.” You don’t see a “Power Cleavage Camp.”
4. Studies using fMRI scans have shown that visual stimuli involving the a female's back porch can activate the brain’s reward centers—specifically the nucleus accumbens, associated with pleasure and motivation. This suggests we’re not just eye humping the rump roast; we’re neurologically motivated to find rear ends rewarding. One might say: the brain sees a woman's big ole dump truck and goes, “Yes. This is good for the species.” Boobs? Also attractive, sure—but from a neurobiological standpoint, the motion of the female porcelain pounder activates a stronger, more primal response.
It's science, fellas.
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